Bit of housekeeping before we get into things…
First of all… Welcome to the new joiners, I appreciate you coming on the journey!
Secondly, you can hit the little “heart” icon to like the post - apparently, it adds gravity or something to my page here on Substack or something, I dunno… Just pump my tires and hit the “heart” - LOL.
Finally… if you’re so inclined and you receive this by email, you can just forward the mail to someone else or you can hit the “share” button and spread the love - I’d appreciate it.
Now, let’s get into it…
Life has been pretty hectic for me this week.
I did a talk at a conference in the middle of the week which is always a really bad idea because public speaking takes a lot out of you.
You have to travel to the event, you have to prepare beforehand, you have to put on a show, and then you have to be somewhat social afterward.
To make matters worse, the audience at this event was not really my type of crowd, so the questions and things were not on point for me.
The upside? I hooked up with another speaker who was outside my usual type and it gives me a story to tell on Sexual Tendencies - I should post it today or tomorrow, so follow me and the publication on Medium.
Last, but not least, my long-suffering executive assistant, Alex, gave birth this week to a beautiful baby girl. She didn’t want to know the gender, but she had a “hunch” it would be a boy and she told me all along that she wanted to use my middle name as the baby’s first name if it were a boy.
That was incredibly flattering and an unbelievable honor.
Alex is family for me - my wife, Mel, and my son are my only immediate family, and Alex is the next closest thing that I have. She is one of maybe four or five people in the whole world that I’d take a bullet for.
When the call came on Sunday that she was in labor we rushed to the hospital and within two hours, the new baby had arrived.
We got to meet her shortly after they cleaned her and Alex up.
Alex introduced us to the baby and told her middle name was “Melissa” after my wife.
Mel burst into tears, Alex was crying, and suddenly, I felt that the room had become very dusty and my eyes were leaking.
At our firm, all of our female staff get 12 months of paid maternity, so I’m going to miss Alex at the office - her temporary replacement is “ok”, but Alex is like an extension of my brain and over the last month while she’s been off work, I feel like I’ve had a lobotomy.
This post has come out a day late because of Alex being so inconsiderate and having her baby on a Sunday which is when I normally write and post it.
Ok, so what got published this week?
This week, the incredible Holly Bradshaw published her first story on Sexual Tendencies… and it was utterly amazeballs.
Seriously, it is hot… Click here and just read it, I won’t spoil it for you.
Super sexy Louise Sawyer is back with a very fun story about her first time, errr, second time… I mean first time… Oh, I don’t know.
Anyway, she had sex and the dude didn’t know what he was doing - it’s funny, so I suggest you click here and read it for yourself.
You might notice if you read my stuff, that I never really go into the details of my sex life with my wife, Mel. That’s intentional because I like to keep it private, which is funny considering how open I am in general.
Anyway, this story was pretty funny - one time, Mel decided to sell her used panties as a hobby. She was really successful and you can read more here.
Who doesn’t love a good sex blooper? I think sex is ridiculous and fun, so every once in a while when things go a bit sideways, rather than getting all stressed and worried, I just laugh it off.
Here are a few of my favorite bloopers - click here to read them.
This story was one that I had a lot of fun re-telling because it shows the cultural differences that we run across internationally and how to just enjoy the moment.
And it has ass eating in it, so it’s gotta be good, right? Click here to read about German Doreen eating my ass. Who doesn’t love a bit of ass eating?
One of my favorite things to write is answering your questions every second-week via the mailbag. I have started getting people offering to send me sex toys, one lady sent me three different creampie photos of herself (you’re a hero, ma’am), and another woman sent me a picture of her male partner’s junk - it scarred me, it was freakishly huge.
I also answered some questions - click here to read the questions and my answers.
If you want to ask me a question, send me nudes or give me free sex toys, you can contact me at: averagedonjuan@gmail.com
Ok, so I wrote a bunch of other stuff this week and you can check those stories out by clicking or tapping on the title cards below.
Well, that was a pretty filthy week of writing dirty sex stuff for your entertainment by myself, Holly and Louise… I don’t know whether I feel like a cigarette (I don’t smoke) or a shower (I do wash myself regularly).
I look forward to seeing what this week brings because a little birdy has told me that Sexual Tendencies has a new lovely lady writer submitting her first story any day now!
And I think I’ll leave you with that…
Talk To You Next Week,
DJ.