Happy Holiday Season, my dirty little degenerates!
I have Santa Claus brought you all the sex toys you asked for, the porn memberships you wrote on your secret list, and if you were so inclined, I hope your sac got emptied or you were the recipient of someone emptying their sac.
All kidding aside, I hope you’re getting a bit of a rest and spending some quality time with your loved ones.
As you’re reading this, I’m quite possibly sitting in a cafe somewhere in Paris with my wife, Boy-o McBoyo, and my wife’s 18-year-old niece who I will henceforth refer to as Nieceling.
Nieceling has never been to Europe before so even though the weather in Paris is a bit on the “meh” side, she thinks this is the greatest thing ever. She’s like an older sister to Boy-o McBoyo so he’s excited because she’s excited - and let me tell you, getting a 16-year-old boy interested in anything other than video games is a bit of a challenge, so Nieceling is crushing it right now.
Thank you all for the delicious “likes” and replies to the last email, I don’t think Substack put me on their “most read” list because the content is a bit naughty, but keep smashing the “hearts” and sharing these posts, I really appreciate it.
Bringing In The New Year With A Bang
I make a point to try and avoid traveling around the holiday season for work.
Basically, I am an ardent believer in the idea that the Christmas and New Year period is a time to spend with your family, but also to take stock of the year that was, be thankful for everything you have, and look forward to being a better version of yourself in the year ahead.
But, as the Scottish poet, Rabbie Burns wrote in “To a Mouse”:
The best laid schemes of mice and men
Go often askew,
And leave us nothing but grief and pain,
For promised joy!
Back in 2015, something came up at work that required me to go to Australia for about a 10 day period from Boxing Day through the New Year.
Now, for those of you who are from Australia or know anything about the place - the country is a business dead zone at that time of year. It’s hot, often on fire (like it is right now), and most companies shut down for two weeks to clear some holiday leave off their books.
But, there was a crisis at one of the companies we own a stake in down in Sydney, and our CEO politely told me that my Christmas plans would have to take a back seat.
My wife, Mel, hates flying - I can get her on a plane in limited situations but the idea of dropping everything and spending 30 hours traveling to Australia was a big thumbs down from her, so I was flying solo.
The one upside to that period of time is that New Year’s Eve in Sydney is generally off the chain - that place can seriously throw a party when they lean into it.
I had my long-suffering assistant, Alex, book me a room at the Park Hyatt in Sydney which literally overlooks the Opera House and is nuzzled under the Harbour Bridge - if I had to be there, I was going to do it in style.
Our CEO charged the full thing to his personal credit card, I didn’t even see the bill for the hotel - it would have been a stupid amount of money, but I’m worth every penny… that’s what I keep telling myself.
My plan was to spend the evening wandering around down along the foreshore, watch the fireworks, grab some dinner, and take in one of the world’s great annual parties.
But, due to circumstances that involved a European television personality, I never stepped foot outside my room the entire evening and ended up watching the fireworks the next morning on my laptop… I certainly heard the fireworks and can absolutely attest to the fact that I felt some, but with blackout curtains in the room, I didn’t see a damn thing.
I’m going to share the rest of this story on Medium on New Year’s Eve for those of you that are interested.
Last Week’s Story Teaser - “She Wanted To Be Dominated”
In my last email and post here on Substack, I shared a bit of an intro to a story that I wanted to tell, but hadn’t written yet - I asked you guys to “like” or reply to my email to let me know if you wanted to get the rest of the story.
About 20% of the total audience of this newsletter either hit the “like” button (thanks) or sent me a reply asking me to finish the story.
Ask, and ye shall receive.
The story will be live on Medium by the time you get this email, so if you’re interested, feel free to go give it a read.
The whole episode was pretty hot and a little bit outside my comfort zone, so it was fun telling the tale.
Taboo Tuesday Column
As I mentioned in my last email, a few weeks back, I started a new bi-weekly column on alternating weeks from my Monday Mailbag piece, called “Taboo Tuesday”.
The content, like the mailbag, is 100% sourced from reader comments and feedback.
I get a bunch of questions, so the mailbag was the perfect way for me to give some off-the-cuff and whimsical responses, but I also get an absolute boatload of stuff that is off the charts filth.
And you all know how much I love a good bit of filth.
I replied to a few of the people who sent me in some nasty stuff and asked them, “Hey, can I anonymize your name and make your story interwebz famous?”
Every single person said, “Yes, please!”
This past Tuesday was the Christmas Edition of Taboo Tuesday and it was scintillating.
Not only that, these columns are getting almost double the number of views as the mailbag and generating more than double the user feedback in terms of people emailing me their stories.
If you like filth even half as much as I do, I encourage you to check this most recent edition out.
And with that, I’m going to let you get back to your family and pretend that you’re interested in what Aunt Mavis’ doctor told her about her bunyons.
I’m going to probably go eat some exquisite French pastries, drink coffee, and perhaps go to the Louvre - that sounds like a plan.
As always, smash the little “heart” button to show me that you like these emails, and feel free to just forward the email to your degenerate friends and family - except Aunt Mavis, her ugly feet weird me out.
Talk To You Soon,
DJ.